I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
