he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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