we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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