so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
