The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
