i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My feet surprised me
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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