It's Friday. Sex?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
