I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
