I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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