Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
