I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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