By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
