I need to stop coming to work sober
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
