i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
