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I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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