I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
