I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
