but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
