Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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