Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
