just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
