Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
