I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
someone owes me an orgasm
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
how drunk are you?
Several
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
