he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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