I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
