FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
No subtext here. People are naked.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
