I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Randomize
