At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
