Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
