i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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