talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
