South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she told me i tasted like america
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
