I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I understand Curling. That high.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
