haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
