Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
