the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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