I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
