Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
