Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
