I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
