yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
