It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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