I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
