Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
