Sponge bath it is.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
