I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
