The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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