grandma shit on top of the toilet
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
