Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
