You kept calling me your small dog last night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
