well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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