Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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