I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
