Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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