I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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