no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
