You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
