I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
